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  • Writer's pictureJake

6 Dos and Don'ts for the Swinging Lifestyle

Updated: Sep 4, 2023

I'm Jake, and if you're here, you're probably thinking about diving into the fascinating world of swinging, or perhaps started, or maybe you're just curious. Either way, welcome! Trust me, there's a lot to consider, especially if you're new to "the lifestyle." So, I’ve taken what I've learned from my side of the partnership with respect to swinging etiquette and and offering up what I think are the 6 essential dos and don’ts to help you navigate the swinger lifestyle.

Do Communicate a Lot

Whether you're at a swinger party, lifestyle event or meeting over casual drinks, there's always a "get-to-know-you" phase. This is when you and the other couple gauge compatibility and chemistry. Preferences among swingers can vary widely. Some prefer a soft swap, while others are more inclined towards a full swap. Some couples are comfortable playing in separate rooms, while for others, like Abby and me, that's a firm no—we enjoy watching each other. Surprisingly, some folks are okay with full intercourse but draw the line at kissing. It's crucial for everyone to be transparent about their boundaries and limitations. Clear communication is not only respectful; it also makes for a more relaxed and enjoyable experience. If you're not sure how to initiate these discussions, there are plenty of online articles to help. Alternatively, our Ice Breaker Edition card game offers a low-pressure, enjoyable way to get to know another couple intimately and to discuss all the essential questions.

Don't Ignore the Word, 'No'

Listen up, guys: The rule is simple but non-negotiable—"No means no." You always have to ask for consent, and don't make the mistake of thinking that just because you've started something, you're guaranteed to finish it. Also, remember that consent isn't just verbal; you have to be attuned to non-verbal cues as well. If your partner hesitates or seems uncomfortable, take that as a signal to check in. Being aware and respectful is not just right, it's crucial.

Do Make an Effort to Dress Well

You'd be surprised how many swinger events have theme nights. I remember being quite surprised when we walked into a leather and lace night unprepared. Don't make the same mistake—always check beforehand. And if you’re not into it, that’s ok too! There’s a lot we love about the swinger lifestyle but the best is that people are non-judgemental and easy going. No one is going to shame you for not dressing up… that said, if you show the effort and do, it’ll go a long way. A great outfit or costume is a great way to break the ice.

Don't Rush It. There's Time for Everything

Let's be candid—women usually dictate the pace, and that's okay. Abby and I took it slow at first, and we've seen many couples do the same. Our personal rule is, we don’t play on the first date. We find it takes the pressure off and gives us time to talk afterward about our connection with the others. True, it takes more time, but it builds comfort and friendship, and for us, definitely more fun. Secondly, don't expect to live out every fantasy on the first date. While sure, you may have fantasized about seeing your wife DP’d, it’s not likely to happen right away so keep your expectations in check.

Do Take Privacy Matters, Seriously

In the world of swinging, we all have double lives to some extent. It's like being a modern-day superhero, but instead of a cape, you've got an alias. Meeting someone who introduces themselves with a pseudonym isn't shady—it's the norm. But here's the thing, guys: privacy doesn't stop at names. You need to respect others' privacy just like you would want yours respected. For example, while you might be tempted to post that awesome group selfie to your social media, always get everyone's explicit permission first. And let's not forget, oversharing details about what went down with whom can be a major breach of trust. In this lifestyle, a good reputation is worth its weight in gold, and a bad one travels fast. Keep things discreet, respectful, and you'll find that the swinging community is one of the most accepting you'll ever encounter.

Don't Forget to Trim

Believe me, hygiene and body hair are crucial. Fresh breath should be a given, but some folks still miss the mark. Don't overlook other details like well-groomed fingernails and toenails. While the expectation used to be that only women should worry about body hair, times have changed. Hair removal for men is increasingly popular. Even if you're not interested in a full manzilian from an esthetician (that's the male version of a Brazilian), a little manscaping goes a long way. You're going to be up close and personal with others, so every part of you should be prepared for that. If you want your balls licked, it's best if they're shaved smooth. Paying attention to these small details can significantly impact how comfortable and enjoyable the experience is for everyone involved.

Final Thoughts on Dos and Don'ts

So there you have it—my unfiltered take on the dos and don'ts for the swinging lifestyle. Think of it as the etiquette of swinging from a guy's perspective. Look, swinging isn't just a weekend hobby; it's a lifestyle choice that requires a ton of respect, communication, and above all, consent. It's a two-way street of give-and-take, setting boundaries and pushing comfort zones. Sure, you're there to have a good time, but never at the expense of someone else's comfort or privacy. Always remember, whether you're a seasoned veteran or a newbie, the rules of engagement are there to make the experience enjoyable and safe for everyone involved. If you're ever uncertain, there are tons of resources out there to guide you, including our own Ice Breaker Edition card game for getting to know new couples in a fun and relaxed way.

So go forth, be respectful, be clean, and most importantly, have a hell of a good time!