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  • Writer's pictureAbby

The 8 Essential Rules of Swinging for Newbies

Updated: Sep 4, 2023

So, you're curious about the swinging lifestyle, huh? Trust me, I get it. The allure, the excitement, the questions—it's all part of the journey. But as a newbie, before you jump in, there's some important rules you should be aware of to make the experience enjoyable for everyone involved. From one woman who's been there, done that, and bought the upside down pineapple embroidered T-shirt to another, let me give you the lowdown on the etiquette. Here are my 8 essential rules of swinging – what you need to know to dive into this fascinating world smoothly and confidently.


Rule #1, Communication in the Swinging Lifestyle Key

Before diving into the swinging lifestyle, I can't stress enough how important communication is. Jake and I always discuss boundaries and expectations before a swingers party or before meeting another couple. But the conversation doesn't stop there. We’ve established safe words that we can use to communicate if something’s amiss. During the evening, we’ll often check in with each other to confirm we're both comfortable with the couple and level of play. And the debrief on the ride home? Priceless. It's our post-game analysis, where we share what worked, what didn't, and what moments made us laugh.


Rule #2, Your 'No' Means No

Consent, consent, consent! If there's one universal rule in swinging, it's that 'no means no.' Saying no should be respected, no questions asked. But consent isn't just about the spoken word; it also involves observing non-verbal cues. Just because the atmosphere is heating up doesn't mean the next step is a given. Whether it's a nod, a smile, or a clear verbal agreement, explicit consent is a must in all situations. So always ask, and be vigilant in watching for both verbal and non-verbal signs of approval or disapproval.


Rule #3, Dress to Impress

Dressing to impress takes on a whole new meaning in the swinging lifestyle, especially for those crucial first "dates" or chemistry checks. This isn't the time for sweatpants, darlings. You want to wear something that's true to who you are, but also dial up the sexiness a notch. If you're meeting at a bar, think chic and sleek. Coffee shop? Casual but polished. And if the night has potential to turn into more, having some amazing lingerie as a second layer never hurts. Trust me, first impressions matter, and what you wear can say a lot about your confidence and how you view the lifestyle. So choose wisely!


Rule #4, Pace Yourselves

Ladies, let's be real; we often hold the cards when it comes to the pace of the evening and the level of play. It's not uncommon for people to go on a few 'dates' before progressing to full-on play. And when the heavy play starts, ease into it. When Jake and I first started, we took our time. Remember, keep your expectations in check. You don't have to fulfill every fantasy in one night. Or, if you've been fantasizing about a specific scenario, you might be disappointed to learn that sex position you thought would be really hot is actually very uncomfortable. So best advice, go with the flow and just let it be.


Rule #5, Know the Swinger Lingo

Understanding the jargon used within the swinging community can go a long way in making your experience smoother. Terms like "soft swap," "full swap," and "the lifestyle" might sound like a foreign language now, but trust me, they'll become second nature as you dive deeper.


Rule #6, Don't Overshare with Other Couples

Maintaining privacy is essential. Some folks go by aliases and that's perfectly fine. Don't take it personally; everyone's got a life outside "the lifestyle." We don’t know the last names of many couples we’ve been with. And if they do happen to share, keep it very private and don’t cross any privacy boundaries. One couple we know tagged a couple they just met in a picture on their Facebook page, without their permission. Even though the image was innocuous, it wasn’t cool.


Rule #7, Keep it Safe

Let's get real for a second. The fun should never come at the expense of safety. I can't speak for everyone, but Jake and I are non-negotiable on using condoms. Most couples we've met in the lifestyle are on the same page about this. It's not just about preventing unwanted pregnancies; it's also about protecting against STIs. Honestly, nothing puts a damper on the fun like worrying about your health later. So, wrap it up and keep it safe. In our eyes, safety is always sexy and a top priority.


Rule #8, Booze Balance

Look, we all know a little liquid courage can work wonders for breaking down inhibitions and feeling more relaxed, but there's a fine line between loosened up and sloppy. Trust me, no one wants to swap with someone who's had one too many. So let's keep it classy, maybe a drink or two to set the mood. Got a special bottle of wine you've been saving? This might be the perfect occasion to uncork it. Just remember: moderation is key.


Final Thoughts on the Rules of Swinging

So there you have it—your go-to guide for diving into the world of swinging with both style and substance. Trust me, the journey can be as fulfilling as it is thrilling. With transparent communication, a healthy respect for boundaries, and that ever-important dash of adventurous spirit, you're setting yourself up for an experience that could very well change your life—or at least make your weekends a lot more interesting.


While you're out there exploring, it's essential to remember the golden rule: be authentically you. This lifestyle is about enhancing your experiences, not losing yourself in them. Whether you're at a sultry soirée or a low-key meet-and-greet, your unique personality is your most appealing asset. Make sure it shines through.


Don't just skim the surface; dig deep and find what makes you tick. Whether you're a full-swap veteran or a soft swap newbie, the lifestyle can offer something for everyone as long as you're respectful and committed to mutual enjoyment. And hey, even if you decide it's not for you, you'll have given yourself the gift of self-discovery.


So venture forth, be open, be honest, and above all, be your fabulous self. After all, it's your journey—why not make it unforgettable?


1 comment

1 opmerking


333.soul.purpose
11 sep. 2023

Great rules! I can think of a few more, but they are way more advanced... 😘

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